So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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