Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
