I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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