just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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