we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
