My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You ruined the universe
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