I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
