worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
