I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
