he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
