i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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