Jerry, you need to find god
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
