i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
