would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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