I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
