If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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