watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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