well I can't set my house on fire every night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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