once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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