matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
