New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
