we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
