What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
