He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize