I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
