we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
