How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
