Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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