I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
do herpes really smell.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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