on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
