was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
