oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
