I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just threw up on my dentist
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
