I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
