I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
