i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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