i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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