Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
