yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
