I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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