Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
