he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's blow job season.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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