his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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