come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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