Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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