The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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