Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
