So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
