Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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