It was confusing and full of hummus
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have fence marks all over my body
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
