just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
